Pondering

Verse 19. It's the one that always gets me. I don't why exactly, but the phrase, "Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2:19) is as captivating to me now as it was when I was a little girl. Here was a young lady, barely a woman from what historians tell us, who had seen an angel, heard tale of her barren cousin's miraculous pregnancy, carried a baby and birthed it in a stable of all places, and was visited by shepherds who also saw angels and found she and her infant son by their direction. She's lead quite an extraordinary life. And I wonder, what did she ponder? The passage says she pondered "these things" and I have to think it was the miracles, the promises made to her that came to fruition right before her eyes, even within her own body, on which she let her heart linger. Matthew 6:9-10 says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is there your heart will be also." At Christmas, I can't help but think of all the material treasures we cling to. We make our lists, we check them twice. We add more to our lists. We stretch ourselves in every way possible and rarely is it all enough. And days later, the discarded wrappings are bulging from over-taxed garbage bins waiting at the curb, largely forgotten, new toys are laying about the house in various corners, the brooms shifts aggressively over crumbs and scraps, and the season is tidied and tucked away for another year. There is nothing wrong at all with gift-giving or any holiday festivity. I am just pointing out that what is often the treasure of our children's hearts and even that of our own hearts days before Christmas is soon forgotten days after. And we are left picking up miscellaneous pieces. Then there was Mary. She was given this beautiful son. Sure He was God incarnate, but to a young mother who nourished him, clothed him, comforted his tears, sang him to sleep, taught him Jewish customs, and kissed his skinned knees, I am sure he was more son than God. And only three decades after giving birth to that sweet baby she would lose him to a death that would kill most women from grief. He didn't become king on earth in the way many hoped. He was ripped from her life violently and without mercy. Gone. There can be no pain like that of losing your own child. It is unutterable. Indescribable. How did that woman survive? I think it must go back to what she treasured early on as a young girl. She had seen the faithfulness of God. She had seen that Yahweh was "not slack concerning his promises." (II Peter 3:9) She had seen that when he told her she would bring forth a son, she did just that. She had seen His protection of that young son when he brought visions to Joseph that they should leave the place they were staying for the safety of the child. She treasured and pondered the character and promises of God. When faced with the greatest, deepest lost, she had a treasure trove within her heart of things that moths and rust do not destroy, that man can never crucify. With every passing year I learn that we are less and less invincible. The marriage I thought was made in heaven crumbles, the man I thought so strong stumbles, the home of someone's childhood burns to the ground, the healthy little girl becomes racked with cancer, the friends once so close are a distant memory. Life is so full of change. There's that saying that the only things certain in life are death and taxes. There's some truth to that addage, but to it I would add that the greatest certainty in life is the faithfulness of our God to fulfill his promises. So this season, I'm making a point to examine what exactly it is I treasure and to focus my pondering on the faithfulness of God in my own life. I'm treasuring the times He's carried me through. I'm pondering the times when I saw His promises materialize in my little world. Because I don't know if I will get tomorrow. And if I do receive tomorrow, I do not truely know who or what I will find there with me. But this I do know, if I meet tomorrow, I meet it in the company of the God who promises never to leave, never to forsake. There are uncertainties in my life even now--things that I worry over, surprises, curveballs, things we weren't expecting. But God knew. Scripture says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast on thee. For he trusts in you." (Isaiah 26:3) May I be found pondering the God who remains good in all circumstances; may that be where my heart is found. In that there is peace. And didn't the angel proclaim, "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace....to all men." (Luke 2:14) Pray with me: Jesus, YOU are life. You are joy. You are peace. You are hope. You are ALL that I could ever need. May I see YOU for who you are. May my heart not become crowded with treasures that could dissolve tomorrow but may my heart be filled to overflowing with YOU. I treasure YOU this season. Amen. Read with me: What God has promised. II Peter 1:4 Philippians 4:19 II Cor. 12:9 I Cor. 10:13 Jude 24 Romans 8:28 John 3:16 Psalm 46:1 Matthew 11:28 (a link with a lot more-- www.smilegodlovesyou.org/promises.html )

Song of the Whip-Poor-Will

It's a relentless call--that of the whip-poor-will--a lullaby that blankets the dusk as she fades into night. I've known her song since I was old enough to remember she was a bird whose face wouldn't be seen in the daytime. And I've loved her. Who wouldn't? Her voice almost speaks into the darkness insisting that her lover join her on some distant tree's limb. Her call continues long past other nighttime voices repeating the same words over and over and over again. She won't quit her song until it has accomplished it's goal. From the jam-froth pink bedroom of the cabin my father crafted to the bayou-mist of the bedroom my mother let me paint and then finally the slumbering hues of these walls where I now lay down my head, I have always heard a whip-poor-will's call. Just last week it was some time after 3 in the morning and still she sang. I had cracked the window to hear her more clearly and let her song shush my heart back to sleep when God whispered, "That's how I pursue you, Sarah." And just like that I saw Him differently that I had before. I imagined His own words to me, "Sarah, I love you. I love you. I love you. " Over and over and over again. They never stop. He never stops. His love never fails. It's like a cliche and because it is like a cliche our ears get to the point where they don't hear the words anymore. Growing up in a Christian family I heard those words my entire life. When that's the case, their meaning becomes diluted with the passing of time until one day the fact that God's love never fails, never ends doesn't alter our outlook on life. We no longer see life through His love, we see His love as a faded childhood photo somewhere on a distant wall. And yet He calls still. Again and again. In speaking of the restoration of Israel, Jeremiah 31:3 holds one of my favorite passages in scripture. "In a far-off land the Lord will manifest himself to them. He will say to them, 'I have loved you with an everlasting love. That is why I have continued to be faithful to you." It didn't matter what the Israelites had done--how many times they sold out to the nearest bidder--God's love for them continued. He pursued them across deserts, He called them across seas, He sang to them when they were in distant lands and He loved them no matter where they were. The beauty of His song is that it is for all mankind--He sings for you and He sings for me. He sings for our children and for our families. He sings for those who do not hear and for those who choose not to hear. He sings for those who will not listen and He'll never quit; never. And I can't help but think of the times in my own life when His call has gone unanswered. How many times have His words floated beyond my heart and scattered amidst the debris of my life while I chose instead to cling to worldly wisdom, to whatever was clear and right in front of me. How many times have I chosen to accept the things that are seen instead of believing in His love? And I can't help but think of the people in my life now who I wish could hear His song. I want to grip their hearts and pry them open making room for this tender love song, and yet I cannot. You know people like that too. You have children for whom you've prayed and prayed. You have Fathers and grandmothers and sisters for whom you've interceded, and yet they do not hear. May I just say to you He still sings--even in places far off. When our voices have grown hoarse with our own attempts to share the truth, His has only grown stronger. Sometimes I think Christians get so caught up in the newest book or theology or new approaches to having church that we drown out our Father's song. We make so much of our own noise that we can't even hear His call let alone those we love and want to reach. There are the great theologians and the lofty thinkers, but I resolve to remain a simple follower--a follower of my Savior's song. As long as I hear His song, I know I am near Him, following Him, in the right place. I know I am home. May our own response to His song be so vivid that those around want to join in the chorus. The whip-poor-will sang long that night. I lost my wakefulness while still she sang. Our heavenly Father's pursuit continues too. May we have ears to hear. Pray with me: Father, thank you for your pursuit of my heart. Thank you that you call to me long into the nightimes in my life. Thank you that you sing when I listen and you sing when I join in and you sing when I hold my hands over my ears in stubborn rebellion. Forgive me for ignoring you. Teach me to believe that your love is greater than the sum of my life and that somehow in relaxing into your unfailing love, I will find rest. Amen. Read with me: I Cor. 13 Psalm 89

When Boxes Are Empty and Diamonds are Lost.

You're not going to believe this--the diamond in my engagement ring is gone! Yep. You heard me! Gone. I still remember when Jeff and I were looking at rings. We had seen every style imaginable and given my affinity for old things, I'd really admired several estate diamonds. Jeff and I both figured we'd end up buying a vintage ring but then I saw it--a princess cut solitaire and apparently I literally squeaked out loud. Needless to say the evening Jeff proposed--a hot summer night under the blanket of the moon on the end of a dock spread like an arm dangling into the sweet Michigan lake--he placed on my finger the princess diamond. Now, ten years later I look down at my hand and it is gone. Four vacant and somewhat dirty prongs stand like an empty pitchfork on the golden band and my diamond is not there. The shock of realizing the valuable part of my engagement ring was MIA was quickly replaced by retracing of my footsteps. Where had I lost it? Talk about a needle in a haystack! Still, we haven't found it. It's just not there. When I told Jeff I really wasn't sure how he'd respond. "I wanted you to have that forever," was all he said. I looked at him and said, "I know. Me too." But then I got to thinking, our love isn't in that diamond. Sure it represented ten years of marriage, but my real treasure was sitting right there beside me on that couch. "I'd rather have you than that diamond any day. And I've got you forever," I told him. And that's the truth. Sometimes the places we believe our treasure to be turn up empty and we discover the truth that they never contained them in the first place. Several years ago when Alzheimer's began to stake its claim on my grandmother I remember receiving a Christmas parcel from her in the mail. On Christmas morning we opened the packages from her. Inside one was a gift for our eldest son, Nathan. When we opened the other--labeled for our newborn Corton--it was empty. We all laughed out loud. Thankfully Corty was just a couple months old and didn't have to experience the disappointment of an empty Christmas box. Grandma had forgotten to put the gift for Corton inside the box before she wrapped it. Nothing inside that box. And nothing inside the prongs of my engagement ring. Nothing. You know I can't help but think about how this relates to my view of Jesus. Without ever intending to do it, I often try to find Him in boxes and He too just isn't there. We hear it said all the time, "Don't put God in a box." And I've always tried hard not to do that. But we are born with boxes so big we don't even realize that's what they are. It's like that movie with Jim Carrey--The Truman Show--where a man lived his entire life on a television set so large he had no idea his life wasn't real. We can have boxes for God so big that we have no clue that we're actually living within an entire framework that limits who God is. I've been reading the gospels since the new year began and what stands out to me is how Jesus constantly blue the walls off the boxes of the people with whom he interacted. I love in Luke chapter five when a paralyzed man gets lowered through the roof of a house in hopes of physical healing and Jesus says, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." (Luke 5:21) It's as though he was saying, "Buddy, you think I can heal you physically and that's true, but you've got no idea the extent of what I can do for you and the ramifications of the power of God that rests on me, at work in your life." The more I look for Jesus and search for who He is, the more I discover He's just not in the places where I think I'll find Him. Every box I look in turns up to be empty as though He's whispering in my ear, "Sarah, I'm not there--I'm more. I'm bigger. I'm greater. I'm simpler. I'm deeper. I'm wider. " Sometimes I even stop and ponder whether it's a great form of pride to assume we can discover and understand one tiny iota of who God is. He's God, for goodness sake! God. GOD ALMIGHTY. GOD CREATOR. GOD REDEEMER. As a human, is that something I can even begin to fathom? Though there are Messianic Jewish people, consider the vast majority of Jewish people who still look for the Messiah. They are looking in a box that is empty--their Messiah has come, He has lived, He has died and He has risen to the right hand of the very God they worship--Elohim Himself! Consider the disciples and followers of Jesus--they believed He would usher in the kingdom of God during their life and had no idea that He would literally die and rise again. He blew the doors off of what they thought they completely understood. And get this--he LIVED WITH THEM! He was right there under their nose telling them of His plan all along and yet they could not understand it. How much more then is it likely that the very parameters in which we view Jesus are probably our feeble attempts to understand a concept so vast and broad that we are merely building walls which will at some point collapse like a house of cards? I love how Paul puts it in Colossians 3:11, "Christ is all and in all." And in chapter 2 verse 9 he says, "For in Him (Jesus) dwells all the fullness of God bodily." To begin to intellectually grasp the magnitude of those passages is I believe humanly impossible. How can I even know what all is? Christ is all. All. Everything. What I can begin to grasp is this: Is He ALL to me? Now that is something I can wrap my head around. Is He the beginning of life for me? Is He the source of joy for me? Is He comfort to me? Is He peace to me? Is He love to me? Is He provider to me? Is He redeemer to me? Is He satisfaction to me? Is He contentment to me? I'm not one for making New Year's Resolutions--never have been. I like New Year's themes though, and this year I've asked God to blow the walls out of my vision of Him. When I read His Word this year, I'm desperate to view it in as pure an understanding as is possible. I want Him to erase my previous conclusions and help me to see Him for who He is--who He wants to be to me. Like a kaleidoscope I want Him to shift my vantage point from what I've been told to what He reveals. I've been raised in boxes--not because anyone tried to put me in them but because that's our human tendency. Oprah Winfrey has coined the phrase--what do you know to be true? I'm not a raging Oprah fan, but I like that question. It's my prayer that this year I will stand on the simplest of truths--that God is all. I pray I'll hold loosely to the idea that I can figure Him out and tightly to the reality that my job isn't to figure Him out but to love every part of Him that He chooses to reveal to me. In the end, every time I think I've got God figured out it's like I'm looking down at a golden band with empty prongs. The treasure--the face of God and the heart of Jesus exist, but not in the bands we've melted down to fit the fingers of our lives. He is infinitely more. And above all, He is love. May we live as though we know that to be true and may we cast down the walls about us and breath afresh and anew the presence of God in 2009. Amen. Pray with me: Jesus, I am honored that you would grace my heart with your presence. May I never miss who you are and what you stand for. May I not look for you where I think you are, but may I wait for you to take me where you are going. Show me your heart and soften my own. Jesus you deserve my awe and my amazement at all that you are and I honor you for being far more than anything I'll ever fully comprehend. May I walk in you--the way, the truth and the life. Amen.

Thankful for the Meat of Things: The I AM

If Thanksgiving had fallen on the day Christ hung lifeless from the trunk of a tree driven into the hill of Golgotha I wonder for what Mary would have given thanks. If 9--11 had delivered it's death jets on Thanksgiving Day I can't help but ask what we would have thanked God for. But upon Thanksgiving's arrival today there are fresh winds and blueberry frosh skies. The sausage rice stuffing is prepared and the sweet potato souffle is waiting for it's turn in the oven. Coffee is brewed and the news seems somehow void of any major events--for this one day. Thanksgiving. For centuries we've honored this day as a day to stop, just stop, and be thankful. I've always been one that likes to look beneath all the fixings, the trimmings, the fluff if you will. Show me the roots, the meat, the core, the crux. Get to the bottom line. Often when my husband has something to share with me I'll stop him and request that he tell me the end of his story first so I know exactly where we're going--then he can fill it in with all the details and dare I say bunny trails that make his stories so unique. And I find myself this morning in the same place--just saying, Lord, if everything and everyone I know and love were gone, what then would I be thankful for? What Lord, are those who awake today in barren lands or with barren hearts to give thanks for? This morning in my quiet time I was reading Isaiah 40 and like an anthem God's Word heralded the core of my Thanksgiving Offering. (Follow along in Isaiah 40) For what, Sarah can you always be grateful though flowers wither and grass turns brown with autumns parching wind? For what, Sarah can you say thank you when people die and holidays are spent alone, when stomachs are empty and dreams are unthinkable? This, Sarah, be thankful for this. I AM Comfort. I AM the God who comforts my people. I speak kindly to my people. There will come a day when I will end their time of warfare, when punishment will cease. Clear a way for me, for my comfort. Out of the desert regions within your souls will you open a road for me? I AM Adonai. I will elevate the valleys and I will level the mountains and hills. I will take the rugged, ravaged places and make them a smooth plain on which you will stand. I will reveal my splendor and everyone will see it. Don't doubt this because of what you see. Believe it because I have decreed it. Don't you realize that people are no different than grass yet you cling to them? Imagine clinging to a blade of grass when the winds rise and the rains rail against the shell of your souls? You are clinging to nothing if you cling to people. And dare you cling to their promises? You might as well cling to the fragrant petals of a wild Cherokee Rose. Hold on tight, now. Your grass will become brittle and flake within your grasp, and your flower will wilt and melt into nothing more than its perfume. What then will you cling to? When you cling to my decrees, then you are clinging to hope. When I, the Lord decree something it is forever. Go now to the nearest mountain and cry out. Don't be afraid or embarrassed or ashamed to shout out my introduction. "Here is your God." Here is your God! I will tell you who I AM. I AM a victorious warrior. I AM sovereign--don't miss this. I AM sovereign--there is not a thing, NOT ONE SINGLE thing in your life that somehow slipped beyond my grasp. And I am a warrior whose military power is greater than every nuclear bomb and hidden stronghold in the world. Greater. And I AM a shepherd who does not neglect his flock. Do you understand me? I'll never neglect you. I will tend, I will gather, I will carry and I will lead, but I will never ever neglect my flock. I AM your Shepherd when you need me and when you don't. I'm still there. It is I who measured out the waters of earth in the very hollow of my hand and it was I who measured the sky with precision. I weighed the soil of the earth on which you toil and I hold the mountains and the hills in balance. Do you think gravity is merely a scientific term? You need to know that I invented, formed, created gravity--it is nothing more than the inhaling and exhaling of my power. Can you internalize what I am telling you? These are the decrees, the truths you hold to when skies are clear and when they are grey, and these truths will not change. No one teaches me. No one instructs me. I am never in need of assistance or directions. You will never find an accurate earthly comparison to me because there is NONE like me. No. Not even one! There will be those who seek the golden faces of some idol but in time they will discover it is silent when they cry out. In time they will discover it is still when they plead for help. In time they will discover it's heart is stone when their grief overwhelms them. But, I am the one who stretched out the sky like a curtain and it is I who pitched it like a tent above you. Can you see that I gave it to you like a picture of how my sovereignty covers your very life? I reduce rulers to nothing. There is no country or ruler that bares any significance apart from me. Don't you see that when you fear who will rule your nation I am calmly orchestrating the events on earth as they play out in the timeline of eternity? And if you thought for a brief moment that you could compare me to someone--maybe just some small resemblance I would call out to you, "Not even close. I am HOLY. I am set apart, different and unlike any other." It was I who created and named every heavenly light and there is not one that is missing though you may not see them. Now, tell me, created one, why is it that you say, "The Lord is not concerned with me?" Allow me now to tell you with emphatic intensity, "I AM concerned. I AM the eternal God, the Creator of the entire earth and I AM not tired. I AM not weary. There is no limit to my wisdom. And I AM concerned with you. I will give strength to those who are tired and I will renew the energy of the man who has become weak. There is no man or woman who will not one day find themselves weary or stumbling and I AM there. I AM present. I AM ready to give strength to those who wait for me. When you wait for my intervention it will be as if you were swept up into the heavens on the wingspan of the mighty eagle. Those who wait on the Holy God of Israel will run through the mountains and the hills and the valleys. They will walk without falling. This, child, this, is who I AM. And this, child, will not change. For this you can be grateful both today and tomorrow no matter what that day brings. And so when scripture exclaims, "This is your God" I respond with "Yes, this is my God. The I AM. And it is for Him that I offer thanks today." Amen. (And Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours--may you offer thanks today for the meat of things.)